Florentine Spends Four Years Ignoring Job Description, Gets Promoted to Legend

Michelangelo Buonarroti, hired in 1508 to paint twelve apostles on the Sistine Chapel vault, has instead delivered nine scenes from Genesis, seven prophets, five sibyls, the Ancestors of Christ and a crowd of nude youths. Managers call it 'a scope change.'

The artist, who considered himself a sculptor, reportedly complained in a poem about his neck and his paint-spattered face. Promotion committees have elevated him to Legend, effective centuries ago. He says he would prefer to just get back to marble.

Satire. For what actually happened, see the “What really happened” box in the full issue.

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