Most Read · Friday, October 31, 1941
Washington's Nose Measured at 21 Feet; Washington Declines to Comment
Surveyors confirm George Washington's nose runs about 21 feet, longer than any of the other noses on the mountain. Each face is about 60 feet tall, so the proportions are, technically, presidential. Crews shaped the features with dynamite, jackhammers and hand tools, then smoothed them with a technique called bumping.
Asked whether he was self-conscious, Washington remained as stony as ever. Rangers have asked visitors to stop pointing. 'He can see you,' one said. 'He can see everything. That's the problem with being 5,700 feet up.'
Satire. For what actually happened, see the “What really happened” box in the full issue.